I couldn’t believe how cool and collected and seemingly not interested the popular girls were in the guys who basically threw themselves at their feet. As I grew up I realized that playing hard to get isn’t cool, it’s manipulative. And it also perpetuates a lot of sexist thinking about women and furthers the divide between the genders needlessly. If I like you, I’m going to tell you that I like you and hope that you will one day let me cup your balls. I won’t pretend I don’t. I won’t hurl myself around making you feel like I need you, because I don’t. But that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in you. This technique works with men who are worthy of dating.
Playing Hard To Get Doesn’t Work But This Will
Let me start by saying this observation could have been made public by myself or any other male on this planet. No man worth your time wants to chase after a woman who plays hard to get. You know who does? Trust me, I was that guy. Yes, everything you were taught about playing hard to get is wrong.
Pilot Girl asks: I met a guy a few months ago through a friend. He’s a little younger and works crazy hours in the investment banking industry.
My mom, very much in love with my dad, told him she was moving home to Virginia. Romance at its finest! I was born two years later, and my parents are still happily married to this day. My mom has been a hard to get devotee since the tender age of 16, when she developed her first crush on a boy who would always wait until the last minute to ask her to hang out.
Every afternoon, she would pull up a stool and wait by the phone for him to call. My mom balked. Nevertheless, the next time he called, my mother begrudgingly played coy and turned down his invitation. He never called last minute again. That same wisdom, as it turns out, has been propagated as the gold standard of dating advice for centuries. But why such a counterintuitive strategy? Boiled down to its most primitive logic, playing hard to get seems to have three intended outcomes:.
Test the interest and commitment of a potential partner 3.
Playing hard to get; a scientific appraisal
Subscriber Account active since. You will probably have heard this classic piece of dating advice thousands of times: Play hard to get. It’s a common belief that acting aloof and unavailable will drive someone crazy, and right into your arms. If you’re looking to attract men, this course of action is considered particularly effective.
But if scientific research is anything to go by, it’s nonsense. In the s, a series of studies led by American psychologist Elaine Hatfield looked into whether playing hard to get really works.
Get expert advice on playing hard to get. Click here to chat online to someone right now. ‘Treat them mean, keep them keen.’ Dating advice like.
You increase your value in his eyes if you know how to play hard to get with a guy. T he quickest way to lose in the dating game is by chasing him. This works both in dating and in marriage. If they retreat, they act like a rubber band fully stretched, they will retreat as much as they can. But the question is how to play hard to get? Never giving a hint is seriously the worst advice my parents ever gave me. I grew up being told that if a man finds out that I was attracted to him, he would look down on me.
So even if I knew that the guy I liked liked me too, I acted aloof, as if I was never interested on him. But how I wished I did give him a clue! It explains why most of those admirers never took the step to express what they felt for me.
Years ago, at the very beginning of my quest for sensible input on dating, I read a book on how to get a guy. Bottom line: play hard to get, as hard to get as you can. The reasoning behind it: men love a good challenge and the more you distance yourself from them the harder they will work to catch you. Needless to say, I was still single long after reading that book. I was it. I was quite impossible to get, as men I dated or encountered back then will testify.
Girls think that playing hard to get will make a guy like them, and for over a year, she started dating a guy who was different from the rest.
Now, any good general will tell you every battle requires a sound strategy. Similarly, many people employ their own strategies and approaches when it comes to attracting and chatting up that special someone. But, does playing hard to get really work? While many of us probably have our own personal successes and failures with the hard-to-get approach, modern science is finally ready to weigh in on the debate. Birnbaum and Reis have spent a number of years investigating the intricacies of human attraction and courtship.
Moreover, even if it is a surefire way to find a Friday night date , why is it so universally effective? So, to answer those questions they set up three inter-connected experiments. The experiments produced a number of interesting conclusions.
Should Men Ever Play Hard to Get?
I ask this question because I was recently advising a very good male friend of mine porn star name: Harry Berkeley about how to follow up after he had a great first date with someone. So I took my gigantic red rubber bat out and hit him over the head with it. Well, not really. He protested, saying he thought he’d put himself in a better position if he hung back and made her wait for it.
“Playing hard to get makes it seem as if you are more in demand,” says Nothing’s sexier than someone who’s actually interested in you.
By Tracey Cox for MailOnline. Which is the best strategy for finding a partner? Playing hard to get or letting people know you’re interested? On the other end of the spectrum, there’s the primitive appeal of ‘the chase’. Playing hard to get relies on the philosophy that if something comes too easy, it’s less appealing. The harder we have to work for it, the more we appreciate it. It’s since been branded both anti-men and anti-feminist — rules like ‘Don’t talk to a man first’ and ‘Don’t go Dutch on a date’ don’t really wash in — but it’s basic premise might just be spot on.
Tracey Cox advises first daters to stop the date after three or four hours, regardless of how well it’s going. New US research of people shows those who play hard to get are seen as more appealing and sexually desirable and people make more effort to see them again. The study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal found making the chase harder did indeed increase a potential mate’s desirability.
Playing hard to get might be a terrible idea if you actually like someone — here’s why
It also kills any chance for true love to develop. Does it work? In situations where you felt you were chasing a guy, you might have desperately wanted him, but did you feel like you could trust him?
Men and women who play hard to get may engage in any of the following behaviors: they express interest but never commit to an actual date; they break plans.
They see it as a challenge. Men have an inner battle with themselves: a part of them wants to win quickly getting or sleeping with a girl , but a larger part of them wants to win with skill. When a man accomplishes something easily, he gets angry at himself and resents the girl for ruining his own self-rivalry. Males are competitive. They want a challenge. They want to know that the best man won and that they are the best man.